It's worth it

Let's be honest. Have you ever had a friend and considered them your "best friend"? But one way or another you figure out that the friendship you see isn't the one they see. It's a completely different friendship, and you're clearly not as close as you thought. I'd say that's the story of my life, but that may be a bit extreme. I do vividly remember laying in my parents' waterbed when I was maybe 11-12 and just crying because I didn't have any close friends. It hurts. It does. When you regularly hang out with the same girls and they talk about all this time they're spending together. I don't know if other people are wired this way, but I am wired so that when they're talking about spending time together, I'm thinking "what is wrong with me that stops them from inviting me?" "Did I do something to make them mad at me?" etc.

It never really changes when you're older either. I'm an adult. I've moved from town to town, and, let me just say, it is hard to make friends. I always feel like I'm intruding on someone else's life. Like they're already settled. They have their friends and I don't really need to interrupt that. But then there's also all that hurt from those agonizing wonderful junior high and high school years (and even college!). One particular experience stands out over all the others. To this day I have not mentioned this particular incident to this person, but it obviously still bothers me if I can remember it (and get bothered) so well.

I was visiting a friend out of town and had made plans to do lunch or dinner with a friend from high school. I got done early, so I called her to let her know I was done and that we could meet whenever. I didn't hear back from her, so I went to Hobby Lobby. While pulling into Hobby Lobby, I see said friend walking in. I call her real quick thinking I'd be funny, but she pulls her phone out of her purse, looks at it, hits a button, and puts it back in her purse. Dagger. to. the. heart. Why? What did I do to her that made her completely bail on me? Who does that? I don't know, but what I have learned is that I NEVER want to be that person. So, if I have ever done anything to make you feel as low as I did that day, I am so sorry!

I say all of this because I have been really convicted lately when it comes to loving others. It is so hard to love people especially when they don't deserve it (in our eyes). Everyone has a hard day. Everyone loses it every once in a while. One thing I have really been working on is how I use my words and my tone. Our words CAN hurt or heal. They can build or destroy. They can comfort or abandon. They can impact someone so much more than we think. If we don't love someone despite their hateful words, despite their rudeness, despite their ability to bail, despite their hate, who will?

I have watched my daughter bring a smile to a grumpy stranger. I have watched her tell a stranger "hi!" and bring an instant smile (sometimes even laughter). Joy is contagious, and I'm quickly learning that sometimes our rudeness/hatred causes others to be rude. If someone is rude to me and I react in a loving/kind way, their attitude seems to change. It is hard, but it is worth it.