Life as a.....

I am determined to become a good blogger. Okay, maybe "good" is a bad word because I'm pretty sure I won't be good at it, but I'll be good at being consistent. There we go. That sounds good.

It seems like life just goes by and when I think about blogging, it's been a good 3-4 months. Life can change drastically in that short amount of time. I'd like to chronicle our life, its crazy changes, and what's going on in my life apart from being a mother. So. Here goes.

Life as a mother: I stayed home with Layla until she was 27 months. I then started working at a wonderful cloth diaper store here in Lubbock. I started with 8 hours a week and slowly increased to what is now 22 hours a week. 8 hours was perfect, but I am not cut out to be a working mom. I want to be at home with my kids. I feel like if I'm working then I definitely get less quality time with my kids because I'm at work then I spend all my time when I get off work trying to keep the house somewhat together. It's just not a healthy balance for ME (what works for me doesn't work for everyone else!).
                          I am very blessed with a boss who completely understands my feelings about this and is allowing me to cut back to 8 hours. Oh, this excites me. I kind of think I took for granted being home with the kids every day, and now I can definitely make the most of it. (and maybe kick potty training's hiney in the process...)

Life as a wife: Z and I just celebrated our two year anniversary. Two years of completely craziness, but they were absolutely wonderful. In those two years, we have moved four times. We have had degree changes, job changes, a back surgery, a sweet little boy, and more visits to the ER than I would like. Life is great though. I'm very blessed to have such a wonderful husband who really does put my needs/wants above his own. When I told him I wanted to try working part time, he encouraged it. When I told him it was too much, he said he'd pick up the slack. He's pretty great.

Life as a debt assassinator: We are kicking the baby steps in gear this month. Completely funding our emergency fund and knocking out several small debts. My husband has taken and passed his test to sell insurance, so that's going to become a focus. He's very passionate about financial planning, and it's exciting to see him getting started in that field. He's also teaching Financial Peace University at our church for the fall semester, so I'm sure he will be extremely motivated to knock out our debt!

Life as me: I am finally feeling "normal", I think. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only mom who will tell you it's hard not to lose yourself in the life of motherhood. We moved to Lubbock in December and are roughly 10 hours from my family. I really don't like being that far from my family, but I do like living in Lubbock. I've met some great people. I'm helping with MOPS at our church, and that makes me feel like I can contribute something to someone other than my kids. :-) I'm also pretty excited about starting our small group at church.
                   I also now have a sewing space in my room and am about to start knocking out some homemade Christmas presents. Sometimes I'm not sure where I want my sewing stuff to go...If I want to sell it or just use it as gifts. Extra money would be great, but I'm not sure I enjoy it as much as I do when I know I'm making it just because. I know it'd be fun to get stuff on my Etsy account, but we will just see.

I think that's a good update, right? Now I'm going to start working on putting together a schedule for when I cut back hours next week. I think that's the thing that drives me crazy- our lack of a schedule. I need my kids to be in bed by 9. I need them to sleep until no later than 7:30 am. I've never been the type of mom who follows a schedule. As long as they're in bed by 9, great. If they stay up later, they don't flip out because we didn't start their bedtime at the same time as the night before. They're pretty easy going kids, but this staying up past 9 is for the birds.

So, until next time....

It's worth it

Let's be honest. Have you ever had a friend and considered them your "best friend"? But one way or another you figure out that the friendship you see isn't the one they see. It's a completely different friendship, and you're clearly not as close as you thought. I'd say that's the story of my life, but that may be a bit extreme. I do vividly remember laying in my parents' waterbed when I was maybe 11-12 and just crying because I didn't have any close friends. It hurts. It does. When you regularly hang out with the same girls and they talk about all this time they're spending together. I don't know if other people are wired this way, but I am wired so that when they're talking about spending time together, I'm thinking "what is wrong with me that stops them from inviting me?" "Did I do something to make them mad at me?" etc.

It never really changes when you're older either. I'm an adult. I've moved from town to town, and, let me just say, it is hard to make friends. I always feel like I'm intruding on someone else's life. Like they're already settled. They have their friends and I don't really need to interrupt that. But then there's also all that hurt from those agonizing wonderful junior high and high school years (and even college!). One particular experience stands out over all the others. To this day I have not mentioned this particular incident to this person, but it obviously still bothers me if I can remember it (and get bothered) so well.

I was visiting a friend out of town and had made plans to do lunch or dinner with a friend from high school. I got done early, so I called her to let her know I was done and that we could meet whenever. I didn't hear back from her, so I went to Hobby Lobby. While pulling into Hobby Lobby, I see said friend walking in. I call her real quick thinking I'd be funny, but she pulls her phone out of her purse, looks at it, hits a button, and puts it back in her purse. Dagger. to. the. heart. Why? What did I do to her that made her completely bail on me? Who does that? I don't know, but what I have learned is that I NEVER want to be that person. So, if I have ever done anything to make you feel as low as I did that day, I am so sorry!

I say all of this because I have been really convicted lately when it comes to loving others. It is so hard to love people especially when they don't deserve it (in our eyes). Everyone has a hard day. Everyone loses it every once in a while. One thing I have really been working on is how I use my words and my tone. Our words CAN hurt or heal. They can build or destroy. They can comfort or abandon. They can impact someone so much more than we think. If we don't love someone despite their hateful words, despite their rudeness, despite their ability to bail, despite their hate, who will?

I have watched my daughter bring a smile to a grumpy stranger. I have watched her tell a stranger "hi!" and bring an instant smile (sometimes even laughter). Joy is contagious, and I'm quickly learning that sometimes our rudeness/hatred causes others to be rude. If someone is rude to me and I react in a loving/kind way, their attitude seems to change. It is hard, but it is worth it.