Making it work

I am still getting used to this whole SAHM to two kids thing. I am going to try to portray just exactly how I feel but I'm not a very good writer so we will see how this goes.

I always wanted a lot of kids and I wanted them close in age. Z and I tried for about six months to conceive and I was actually sad when it didn't happen and Layla would turn two before she a sibling. I knew having two so young would be hard but I didn't know how hard. My mom had four all two years apart. Plenty of women have kids even closer together than 22 months apart. Psh. Some people have twins...or quadruplets. If other people can do it, I can too.

I am doing it. The hardest thing, by far, I have experienced yet is when I am nursing at night and Layla wakes up crying and calling for me. Yes, z gets up with her, but my heart still hurts when she calls my name and I can't come. I was excited because Layla was sleeping through the night in her twin bed and she didn't even miss her crib. We were ready for sawyer, and this new addition to our family is going to be oh-so-smooth. Mhm. Riiiight. It was crazy, tiring, mentally and emotionally demanding, but I love it.

I love having the chance to nurse sawyer on demand. I love being able to rock him to sleep even if he will expect it each night. It doesn't matter that sawyer still eats every three hours all day and night because that is one of the things I can do for him by being a SAHM. I love getting to play with Layla past her bedtime because I know I don't have to wake up, get dressed, and leave. I love being a stay at home mom. There are definitely days where it is stressful, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's exhausting, but it's a privilege.